If only...

Did i ever make u proud!?
Had u ever proud of me!?
All tat i did..
All the achievement i did since i first got in school..
Is juz for u too be proud of!
But why i nvr heard or even sense anything tat u r proud of me?
I heard u said u r proud of them!
Each one of them!
Wat abt me!?
I did a lot of changes to make tis happen..
Even if u r not proud of me
at least, did u see i am changing all way long!?
why u nvr see things in positive way?
eveyrthing i did is wrong!

u dare say u nvr hang out with friends b4 whn u r 16!?
u both told me u used to go vacation with friends and hang out with them!
so, why i cant?
why must be me, who is the one wasting time and money?

I am a girl, i must be protected
hell yea!
u r oso a girl!
and u hung out with friends b4!
why cant i!?

do u think i'm tat stupid to have friends who will ruin my future!?
i did afraid to have bad things happen to me!
i did care for my future!
i did only be with friends tat have good personality!
not tat they will hurt me!
they r oso afraid of bad things happen to them!
so why would they lay trap or watever u said on me!?

off with tat topic!
now u think i don care for my study!?
hey! who doesnt want a bright future!?
u think i'm slacking rite?
i tell u now!
yes, i am!
since u won believe oso
why would i tell the truth!?
like u even bother to know i'm telling the truth o not!
bad result, u scold me..
say how u disappoint on me
good result, u ignore it..
say i'm suppose to be taking tat result
i KNOW i suppose to take tat result!
no nid u to tell me!
but cant u even say something like
'Oh, nice! congratz!'

i know wat is rite and wat is wrong
i have my own way of doing things
dont u even trust me?
oh ya...
i forgotten.. u don bother to know i'm lying o not

if only i could tell u all tis things!
if only i have the right to say all tis out loud in tis family!
if only....