I was too busy with homework and school..
I'm now in F5.. last year in sri istana..
Now tat i think back.. I rmb
the day whn I am wanting so eagerly to transfer school..
but in the end i stay..
Things did turn out well.. No regrets in tis school anymore...
I have a gang of friends.. who mostly been together with me for tis whole 5 years in SI..
Thr r two of them.. YX and CL.. i talk heart to heart with both of them
They hv my secrets and i hv theirs.. so tis is how it feels to hv someone who shares things totally with u
So happy and fun and somehow i'm proud to hv friends like tis..
F5... i'm 17 now... next year will be 18.. an adult..
it feels like a dream.. so fast..
cant believe i'm at tis age ady..
feels like I didnt change much..
still like the old days whr I used to play around.. slacking.. not doing homework..
I've been quite different however..
i'm working towards my aim..
well, juz for the SPM..
Talk about SPM..
today's a big day.. SPM result comes out today
Ah Hern got 9A1B.. i didnt know the specific for sure but it's awesome i know
Ah Qing seems to satisfy with her result too..
Ah Hern is very happy.. i can hear tat from his voice..
i wonder wat he gonna do from now..
Ah Qing work really hard to achieve the result she desire..
she wants to study fashion or business..
she is very excited everytime she tell me abt her dream...
i can see tat everyone is going on their path..
But i'm lost here..
i hv really no idea on wat to do in future..
my teacher says watever is it, juz aim for SPM first..
yea... i'm aiming for it..
but after i done my SPM.. wat's next?
i don know.. no one will know..
i feel totally lost..
i don care of anything now...
Study study study..
for wat then??
concentrate on study is good..
but for wat?
for a good result? for a better future?
i cant imagine my future..
juz no image will come out..
feel like i'm being left behind of everyone...
far behind...
i know it's my life and only i can pick myself up and bring my own leg walk on a path..
but.. i cant always tell myself it's ok, i know wat to do whn the time comes..
feels like totally no point and i'm juz giving excuses to stop thinking abt it..
Where should I go?
Where am I now?
it's great to hv a dream and work hard toward it...
life feels full..
I'm empty now..
tis emptiness make my legs feel light and no energy..
i can't actually get back on and walk properly..
If i get a good result.. everything is a choice.. i don hv an aim so wat can i choose?
If i get a bad result.. thr wont hv much choice.. wat can i choose then?
Empty.. Lost.. even tat fellow had found his path.. like years ago..
and i'm juz always at whr i am.. standing.. wondering..
so wat if i'm good in study? juz can show off a bit now..
a good result but no future... pathetic life..
days juz pass by like they always did..
Juz which way shud i aim for?
wat am i study for??
yes i'm studying for myself.. but wat??
i cant even decide my own path..
it all comes to my dad..
pathetic isn't it..
My mom ask me why i've been quite hardworking lately..
I lost my word... It's juz a few promises i'm keeping..
it's juz the pride i'm protecting for my parents..
it's juz the troublesome i wan keep myself away from..
but wat's most troubling is inside me..
well at least a trouble tat involve less party, i can juz keep things to myself..
SPM.. fighting!...
for whoever involve in my the good or bad of my result..
for whoever doesnt get how i feel so tat they juz stop asking why i've been looking so sad lately..
so tat i can stop telling tat i'm juz tired... only a few know thr is something inside me..
well.. juz keep on fighting.. with myself...
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